Science determined how long it takes to forget an ex

It is a traumatic and painful moment that will take time to become another anecdote from the past. Some factors can weigh more or less in the balance when separating from the couple: the way in which the relationship came to an end, the duration, the relationships that are maintained (or not) with the ex, friends in common... One thing is certain: you have to forget about miraculous recipes, the time to overcome depends above all on a personal journey and the way of thinking.

You often hear it said that you have to be patient, take enough time to grieve a past love, and that all wounds eventually heal. Today science is still investigating the validity of these tips. After recording the testimonies of 155 people who have just experienced a separation, researchers from the University of Mounmouth, in the United States, reached an unprecedented conclusion: the sadness after a breakup has a limited duration.

Also read: Post-separation sex: does it help or is it worse?

In fact, 71% of those surveyed said they felt better 11 weeks after their separation, reports The Journal of Positive Pychology, cited by Grazia. That is, it would take two and a half months to heal the wound in the heart.

Even if it is a very serious investigation, the results are of course to be taken with a grain of salt. You have to focus on taking time to fully grieve the relationship according to therapist Lucille Shackleton: “It's about the pain that comes when you have to let go of an idea you had for your future. It is when you have to mourn the future that you wanted to share with someone or when you have to let go of the idea that your family will look a certain way, ”she explains on her Instagram account.

The expert psychologist in personal development Beatriz Gil assures that when the person questions their own value and personal image because of the breakup, "this becomes more difficult to bear" because it makes them feel rejected and abandoned.

Researchers at Stanford University studied why breakups are more difficult for some people. The analysis concludes that those who linked the rejection to some aspect of their identity were the ones who suffered the most after the end of the relationship.

"These people could get caught up in the idealization of the ex-partner, and being aware of what the other is doing on social networks, through their posts on Instagram, their 'stories', or the last connection on WhatsApp, is very harmful”, warns the expert. Therefore, this behavior makes us always keep our ex-partner in mind, which makes it difficult to forget, essential to mourn.

According to the psychologist, these are some steps that must be followed so that the mourning for the breakup is more bearable, fast and painless:

You have to validate emotions, but without clinging to them. Each process is unique and if grief is difficult, you can always ask for help.

Some factors can weigh more or less in the balance when separating from the couple: the way in which the relationship came to an end, the duration, the relationships that are maintained (or not) with the ex, friends in common.